Divorce Capital of India.

New Delhi also happens to be divorce capital of India with highest number of matrimonial disputes pending in courts. Considering this dis-harmonious atmosphere, I was anxious about my marriage. What should I do and what not to do. First I took out Black’s Dictionary and looked up the word husband. According to the dictionary it originated from the term ‘House bond’. This made me even more nervous. Bondage? I consulted a friend, Mr. X as usual. He listened to my problem and advised me to be in touch with IAHH which was a Non-Governmental Organisation devoted to uplifting the standards of marital relationships. I went to this NGO and became a member. The gave me a charter of ten rules to follow. These Rules are:

Charter of rules for happy marriage.

1. Thou shalt have no other wife;
2. Thou shalt never compare thy wife with thy neighbour, sister, mother or anybody;
3. Thou shalt never ask question from thy wife especially if the answer thy already knew;
4. Thou shalt never say no to thy wife;
5. Thou shalt never stay in thy house as long as thy wife is angry, shouting or shrilly; (Walking helps anger management)
6. Thou shalt never watch ball games on TV at thy house while thy wife is at home;
7. Thou shalt never get drunk and if got drunk apologise next morning with a vow of abstinence (to be repeated on every occasion);
8. Thou shalt never refuse to accompany thy wife to her relatives, friends and colleagues but thou shalt never expect Her Majesty to escort the bonded to any place unless considered so wise by Her Majesty;
9. Thou shalt speak when spoken to, sleep when and where told, eat what and when told, work when asked and bend without asking at all times.
10. Thou shalt never doubt any of above and if in doubt, refer to Rule No. 4 above.

Now happily armed with such rare pearls of wisdom, I returned home and scrupulously followed all Rules. It all went very fine. I regularly attended the Sunday meetings of IAHH and listened carefully, the lucid explanations and exposition to above charter of peace, as expressed by different office bearers of the IAHH.
Last Sunday two resolutions were proposed which shall be considered today. One is to open two more chapters of IAHH in UK and USA, respectively, as there is rapid decline in number of happily married couples. The other resolution was to change the name of IAHH. Presently it stands for ‘Indian Henpecked Husband Association’. We have to suggest new name. I do not recall any. Any help?

Epilogue

All these years I did not see Mr. X at any of the meetings of IHHA. So I went to him and asked him why he was never seen there. To my utter surprise he told me that he was not a member. Why? I asked him. He smiled and told me that he did not want peace. He wanted fun. So how was it?, I asked. ‘Wonderful so far. I have grown used to seeing sullen face and burned dishes.’ He told me philosophically. Are you happy?, I asked again. Are you? He retorted.
I paused to think and replied ‘I am at peace and happily married.’
‘So am I. At peace with myself.’ He retorted back, rendering me speechless.

© Sandeep Bhalla