It appears everything is a habit. To say yes or no to everything is a habit. Some people will say yes to everything and shall blissfully forget everything once they leave us. Similarly some people will say NO even if they are offered a pot of Gold. Although the latter will accept the offer later on with some excuse.
Let me make myself clear:
The point is about behaviour on the face of stimuli. Both group will eventually do what they may do but here question is about first response.
There are Yes-persons and No-persons.
What factors decide this behaviour? Even after observing this phenomenon for some time it is difficult to pin point.
Severe differences between parents seems to be irrelevant because in that case either relationship is terminated or one spouse submit to other. However Dominating Parenting has a role in both type of personalities.
Yes-person is submissive response of a child while No-person is rebellious (and very often male response) of a child to parental dictatorship.
Certainly there can be more issues. But parenting is not counselling. Sometime putting a foot down is necessary even if it appears dominating.
Parenting is a thankless job which does not go unpunished.
Just another lazy thought on lazy Sunday.
(c) Sandeep Bhalla
Typing errors in this post may be attributed to BlackBerry’s spellcheck.
Adolescent age is a strange phenomenon. An identity is born and yet this very identity is in crises.’ Me’ is born but the picture of this ‘me’ is hazy. It’s relationship with others is also unclear. An individual going through this crises is an adolescent. He may be teenager or in middle age or in old age. In teenagers hormones do play a major role. This crisis is the ‘adolescence’ irrespective of age.
In a large majority of people, with age and experience, self-image is stabilized and rest of the life is spent in maintaining that image. Relationships that serve that image are carried on. Relationships that distort the self-image rather hurt it are discarded.
Problem also arise when the self-image suddenly torn apart by sudden turn of events. For example loss of job with little prospect of finding new one or destruction of property changing financial status drastically. These events cause an identity crises, same as suffered by a teenager in adolescence. While in teenage adolescence is borne by all concerned with patience; but in adulthood, unless stabilized sooner, one lands up in psychiatric care and very few recover.
However the only treatment which would work is the realization that we live in images. Mind is projecting these images. ‘I’ exist independent of my possessions, my profession, my family. Successful living is harmonizing all the images. Which is not possible unless we do not cling to any particular image or combination of images. In fact the combination of images is the reality we live in. Hence the famous saying that reality is projection of mind.
Just another lazy thought for lazy sunday.
© Sandeep Bhalla
Happy Children Playing Kids (Photo credit: epSos.de)
Parenting is no popularity contest. It is a serious business.
Parenting the children is the most difficult task in the world. There are no schools and no practical training. With nuclear families exposure to parenting is even more less. are parents of this generation better than previous? Or they are worse? Or there is not difference at all. The technology and psychology changes every 30-40 years. The parents in 1940’s were facing the sever crunch of resources and were pressing too hard to their children to conserve the resources and rebellion among them took them to hippies or what ever way of life in which their may be no duties. What is the state today. And when I ask only about those privileged minority who are not below poverty line or facing malnutrition or starvation like 70% of the population of the world. I ask who can afford to give attention to these matters. These affluent people, unlike previous generation are having abundance of resources and they are showering it on children. I am also part of it. But is it not child like reaction from the previous conservative generation whom every body used to call misers? It is not a conscious decision. ‘What I could not get in childhood, I will give to my children’ is a response from the past. It is like parents are facing some type of popularity contest. This is no real parenting. It is manipulation. Take money give affection. Income or affluence must not have any impact on parenting.
May be age of parents is an issue. People who start their life and spend huge time in building up careers; by the time they attain affluence. Therefore time to enjoy wealth coincide with time of responsible parenting. It is a grave conflict of interest.It is unfortunate that it is ignored. After all children are the seeds of human race. With scruples and morality falling from grace and BAD being the last fashion and DIRTY being the present fashion. May be parents should grow up themselves before bringing up children.
Just another lazy thought on lazy Sunday.
© Sandeep Bhalla
Parenting the greed
We the humans take great pride in declaring that we are rational beings, since the time of Aristotle. But not only he missed the truth but he left a legacy of understanding which has led generation after generation to be under this mistaken belief. The truth is that we can always act first on our whim and rationalize our conduct later.
As parents it is our duty to be role models for our children but we fail to lead the way to show them how to acquire new skills because we have ourselves lost the capacity to learn. All we know is how to operate in a same pattern every day and let money generate from this pattern. We are so blinded by this attraction for money that it seems to be the only purpose of existence. This greed becomes the anchor of psychological security.
In practice however it is the smartness to survive your changing friends and foes, in a greedy world really helps to keep you out of trouble.
Money Money Money