To live peacefully, live imperfectly. 

Struggle for perfect living.

Peaceful living is not a concept or ideology but a recurring watchful way of living. It requires conscious effort to refrain from entering into conflict. Every step is to be carefully watched. Actually refrain is inappropriate word. Attempt to refrain itself creates conflict.

Perfection is thy name. So goes the idiom. But we have taken it too seriously. Some of us, like me, become perfectionists. Doing and redoing the same thing till it is perfect, which never happens as journey of perfection is oscillation from one state of mind to another. It may have some application in technical things but not in everything. It is worse reflected in home décor. How many furnishing or the houses we change, none is ever perfect. Even worst is in relationships. Discarding people does not bring up better people. Relationships keep failing.

The worst kind of perfectionists are clinical cases of obsession like hypochondriac who is obsessed to wash perfect clean. And there are those who are hardly bothered by surroundings but are obsessed by their own creativity. Many writers and painters etc. will fall in this category. Yet another kind are people who are simply not doing anything except when told to do. They are adolescents who never grew up.

What peace has to do with perfection?

The question is interesting. So is answer. In one word answer is ‘everything’. There are many flaws in life style which affect peace of mind terribly but the quest for perfection which we some time euphemistically call as ‘normal’ is, that creates a lot of problems. Normal is too overrated.

Continue reading

Relativity in relationships: I love you Mom!

I love you Mom!

Relativity is the theory propounded by Einstein in respect of speed and especially the speed of light. However, human relationships are also relative to the age and circumstances. Here is a Joke bringing out this harsh fact in a humorous way:


A five-year old boy to his Mom: I love you Mom!
Mom: I love you too, son.

A 16 years old boy: I love you Mom.
Mom: Sorry son. I have no money.

A 25 years old boy: I love you Mom.
Mom: Who is she? Where does she live?

A 36 years old man: I love you Mom.
Mom: I told you, she was not good enough for you.

And above all, the best love expression:

A 55 years old man: I love you Mom.
Mom: Son, I have made it very clear. I will not sign any paper.


Ha ha.  Human relationships and so much love oozing out of it. Ha ha.

BTW today is Baisakhi. To those who celebrate, Happy Baisakhi.

(We don’t celebrate. Reasons are here. )

Enigma of hurt, anger and violence!

Emotional hurt.

Physical hurt is, ordinarily, a temporary affair. The pain finds a plateau and subsides. Emotional hurt is like skeletons in an empty box. A blow of air, a shift in pace or a stumble on a perceived step, anything can cause carrion to rattle. Hurt turns inward as despair or depression. Hurt, when reflects outwardly, it is an anger for catharsis. That is good part of it, if there is anything good in it. The worse is that cinder of hurt keeps burning inside charcoal of despair or depression and looks for next opportunity of catharsis by anger or violence. What causes emotional hurt? People? Society? Illogical people? Injustice? Illness? Failure (whatever that means to an individual)? Physical deformity? Other’s success (whatever that means to an individual)? Other’s failure?

Continue reading

Raksha Bandhan or Rakhi and its lost meaning.


Today 2nd August 2012 is the auspicious day for Rakhsha Bandhan or Rakhi. This day is chosen on the basis of Indian Calender therefore its date as per Gregorian Calender differs. It falls on full moon day (Purnmasi) in the month of ‘Shravan’ as per Indian Calender.

English: A sampling of rakhis. Image by self -...

Meaning of Rakhsha Bandhan & Rakhi:

Raksha means ‘Protection’ and Bandhan means ‘Bond’. It is a vow but not a bipartite contract. It is a sentimental bond not a legally enforceable act or duty.
Rakhi is a thread which can be of silk or decorative or rather simple thread.
On this day a sister ties this thread called Rakhi on the wrist-arm of brother. (Generally right arm)


There are many tales. One is that tying the knot of Rakhi enforces the duty of brother who as a male is presumed to be superior in strength to protect the sister. It is also considered a symbol of affection of the sister for the brother, as both share sweets after tying the Rakhi.
Very often unrelated females also tie the rakhi on the wrist of male and thus proclaim him as brother. It is the only symbolic gesture in the world in which male and female can proclaim platonic, non-sexual emotional relationship. Very often this relationship crosses the religious boundaries. Though it is not so common in the cities where everyone has no time. But any where in the country if a male who is acquainted to the female and her family and he asks a female to tie him Rakhi, she will not refuse, irrespective of religion. A gesture of which no offence is taken. But like corruption elsewhere, rakhi brothers are no exception and incidents do occur.

Lost Meaning:

In childhood everything is a play. A joy. So is Rakhi. In adolescence every ritual looks strange and performance is with indifference. The real test of this bond takes place when siblings are settled in own house-hold respectively. It is further put to test when the distances are wider. Different town or even different countries. Actual test is that: Do they keep track of each other? Sending Rakhi by post by sister and brother sending money by wire or cheque even along-with gifts is not within the spirit of the bond.

Life has become a never ending chase in which time is getting rare. No time to eat, relax or even to rest or sleep. Who has time for mundane relationships. Rakhi was a good way to keep the siblings to meet and share their life, problems, joys and what not. It was a reason to get together once in every year. It also gave the female a chance to visit her parents else the brother will visit the sister and inquire the welfare of married sister and her house-hold.

Now it is just a ritual. Unless the sister is newly married, rarely a sibling would travel to another city for Raksha Bandhan. Within city it is ritual which is a rigmarole of visits. Husband and wife would be keen to get over with it. A quick visit here to wife’s sibling, may be over lunch. A quick visit there, to husbands sibling, may be over a cup of tea. And may be more visits to cousins, so just sweets. See you next time. Be well. Keep alive. Ritual is over and We are too tired and exhausted. Thank God He or She did not keep me waiting from morning to evening like last year. I would not do this next year. I would do something different on type of rakhi or sweets or lunch or something else mundane. I have no time to look at the face of my sibling silently or ask him/her if he/she has any trouble. I have too many problems of my own. I will take care of my problems. For others there is God.

© Sandeep Bhalla