Enigma of Marriage
Marriage is enigmatic institution as secret of happy marriage remains a secret. What is marriage? Mythological and spiritual explanations are abound. In Christianity marriage is union ’till death do us part’. In Hinduism Marriage is a union ‘for seven life times’. Of course they must also believe in another fairy tale that marriages are made in heaven and performed on earth.
It appears that in past few decades there has been some disorder or some disruption in the routine of heaven. It is getting increasingly difficult to find happily married couple or worse a suitable prospective spouse.
Migrating from wordpress.com to self-hosted blog.
A parting message:
It is going to be slightly less than 4 years, since I started using wordpress.com. A fairly easy to use software but to migrate to self hosted site is another ball game. In last that many year there never was any problem at all. Great maintenance job. After migrating to self hosting, I realize that it is brazen forest out there with wild ferocious creatures out on a hunt. But I will survive. I hope so.
The goodbyes are rarely pleasant but in this case, the wordpress staff deserve credit. So far there was no difficulty. The help was great. I only wish if estranged couple could divorce or separate like wordpress does!!! (My professional brethren would curse me for that wish)
But that is life. All the right things happen at wrong or less deserving places. But this step was necessary for SEO limitation in this free version.
All the kind subscribers, whether they read my posts in full or less, would continue to get updates, if they opted from their dashboard, from the new self hosted blog.
All are invited to new home of
The old domain sandeepbhalla.com will also take to the above link.
Those interested in law may visit lawmystery.com where idea is to present law in human readable form.
PS.: I will right about migration of Blog. If some one needs it ping me somewhere to hurry. The information on searching the google is in truncated pieces and quite out of date.
Pic. courtesy wikipedia
To divorce or not to divorce?
This question is as vexed as proverbial ‘To be or not to be.’
Very often, friends or friends’ friends assume that I have competence to answer this question for them. Generally rather always I manage to steer clear of this question without offending the inquisitor. The weekends are chosen days for such exercise.
Sometime ago a friend’s friend approached me. He was troubled with the most vexed question ‘to divorce or not to divorce?‘
He was married for eight years and had two children aged 7 years and 3 years respectively. Why this question now?
Before reverting to his answer let me add a little background of husband and wife:
This friend was working as research fellow in some institute with competitive environment and belonged to working class. Wife belonged to a business family of traders. This is a class, in which, rarely any dead line is to be met. She had no professional qualification, though she was educated.
Parents of spouses
There is an ancient saying that children do follow the habits of parents or one of them. So intrusion into their past revealed that wife had taken after her mother and my friend had taken after his father. It is common knowledge that personality does not exist in isolation. It requires complementary personalities around it. Now my friend unknowingly missed the behaviour of her mother towards his father and wife missed the behaviour of her father. They lived together 8 years fighting and bickering like adolescents, never stopping for introspection.
For last many years this friend had already found out a solution: i.e. To reach home late and avoid facing the wife. It complicated the matter further and now this question:
Divorce or not to divorce?
Now the advice that was given to him is not relevant. But his answer to a question is.
Why you got married? His answer was: Because that is what everybody does after getting a good job. This answer reflects the typical human behaviour. Imitation. Rather mindless imitation. Getting married just because there is nothing else left to do? It betrays lack of observation and experiencing.
What is marriage? Please do not trouble religious scriptures. I am not fond of any institution including marriage as all institutions stifle.
It appears it is a commitment of sharing resources and responsibility. But that is not all. The third factor is companionship. The first two factors make a marriage go and if third factor is present, the question which started this post, would not arise at all.
One would not walk into a building without knowing what lies inside. How come, millions get married without any clue of what is ahead of them.
Each person has his own selfish way of sharing the resources. A spouse can not be branded as selfish on the touchstone of opinion of other spouse.
But all this does not matter when there is companionship.
Just because two persons share similar jobs or like similar movies or brand of coffee, does not make them ideal companions. These are cultural similarities which may help to an extent but not very far. Similarity of IQ may help but two persons of high IQ do not always get along as higher intelligence comes with higher ego.
To be a good companion, one has to learn to live with oneself. We have such a chaos inside that we are always in pain. We are so occupied in our thoughts that we do not notice the companion next door. First step is to learn to live with oneself. If pain of disappointments, anxiety of chase for position or money does not spill over the other person, discovery is not far.
Just another lazy thought for lazy Sunday.
(c) Sandeep Bhalla