Journey from loneliness to aloneness.

Lonely StatuesLoneliness, anxiety, insomnia, despair, depression and aloneness.

We are all alone:

That is a fact. If we see our actions, carefully and with full attentiveness we shall find that all our actions are aimed at covering up the fact of loneliness. We are acquiring pets, making so-called friends, clinging to TV, stock piling houses with frivolous goods, attending every social event but we can not sit alone for an hour. But avoiding crude philosophy let us look into the problem of loneliness without going into its causes. To look into it from the point of a common man on the street.

Do you feel lonely:

Do you ever feel lonely? Most likely answer is ‘No’. The next question is ‘How long can you sit alone doing nothing?’ If the answer is one day or more, do not bother to read any further but give me your address. I shall pay a visit to you. If the answer is less than a day and more likely less than a minute please read on.

Important activities of life:

A friend graciously paid a visit to us who is now retired from job. I asked him what you do now? What are the activities? In fact I had asked this question to him a few years back also. At that time his wife was not with him so he told me. ‘There is so much to do. I have to do so much shopping. Now I am in service of my wife.’ This time his answer was different. He said, ‘Rest, mostly. Some time shopping. Managing the rented properties.’ His wife added, ‘Facebook.’ And I added, ‘Why don’t you start blogging?’

My point is that all this social movements which includes networking is a product of our need to be in company. It is a kind of fear of self. Truly speaking we are afraid of ourselves. But here we shall not touch the subject: ‘why?’ (May read this post about boredom for that.) But shall confine to the question: How we socialize?

How we socialize:

Socializing is a skill and since I utterly lack all talents of socializing, I can immediately recognize every talent when I see it. However for the purpose of loneliness, one talent is required to be looked into: Ability to talk superficial. 

It is not easy to remain unhelpful, uncooperative and unfriendly without letting any one know it. An opportunist friend excelled so well that I almost believed him inspite of all his classical symptoms. The idea of superficial talk is to keep other person engaged while talker passes his time by sowing off as friendly. Now this Mr. Opportunist who is doing superficial talk is completely focused on his subject. He may let talk dither on other subject but would not tolerate that his/her subject is forgotten. All superficial talk is a preface to talk on the subject of Mr. Opportunist. The talks go on but without substance. Mr. Opportunist brings the talk to his point and would be impatient to talk anything else for long.  Somewhat similar happens every where. Now the result of superficial talk is that there will remain only those people to talk who do not understand the superficiality of the talks. The people who can be manipulated, easily. I assure you that there is no dearth of imbecile persons. But more often, Mr. Opportunist is likely to be hooked up with another Mr. Opportunist and then the play becomes a serious game. A game to win or lose. A bloody war to win.

Lonely and unhappy:

The superficial talks result in superficial relationships. Opportunism begets opportunists. Ambitious opportunists do not touch compassion, even if they use most kind words. They gesture, they speak, they cry and of course they give company but only at a price, for a reason and then disappear.

There is another kind. They are shoulder hungry people. Sad, tired and perplexed by the hypocrisy of human nature. They find a shoulder and start crying. They will talk hours about the unfairness of life. Use up all your paper napkins and handkerchief and move on. Never to look back again. Call them to discus your problem and see how eager they are to hang up. Actually here also the problem is same. They do not want any relationship which may pose a demand. But they do not look at their demanding side. They are an opportunist without focus.

The point is we do not socialize to actually share at compassionate level and we get what we give. What goes around, comes around.

So who are you? A Lonely or an Opportunist or both? Lonely like statues?

Related post:

Overview of failing relationships

Need to become extra-ordinary

 

About Sandeep Bhalla

A lawyer, thinker, author, Linux/Ubuntu power user and sometime an economist or gardener or philosopher or cook or photographer depending upon the current thought and environment. View all posts by Sandeep Bhalla

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