What is love?

Enigma of love!

Love is certainly an enigma but for those who fell out of it and those who have yet to test it. The question posed above has been addressed by poets, writers, philosophers and perhaps by psychologists for centuries if not millennium. Some Sanskrit love stories date back to 400AD. So what is this phenomenon called love? Above all, why is it so transient?

Love and affection:

The expression of love has many dimensions. It can be motherly affection, parental affection, affection of a beloved or romantic love or could be a materialistic expression such as I love my car or I love this phone. The expression is also used to emphasise activities such as I love blogging, I love painting or I love to play Golf.
I am sure if any one is reading it this far, s/he is likely to say that I am confusing the matter by joining different emotions or states of mind. But that is the point. These are not different even if linguistically categorised differently.

Inspiration to write about love.

First the disclosure about the inspiration behind this writing. About a month back it was revealed that a friend had abandoned his family i.e. spouse and children after two decades, disowned the inheritance only to enter in a live in relationship with someone younger by about two decades. Apart from this event, I came across three books. The first was a unique but yet unpublished fiction about romance and effect of changes in technology on romance. The second was a small philosophical book titled ‘Sex equals love’ by Edward Carpenter, written and published in 1894. Third was another fiction titled ‘Dying to forget’. The last one is about care free, teenager’s living style.

All this made me ponder as to what is love?

Seeing love in action:

How love prevails upon all reasoning and how it fades. How love that is an overwhelming attraction, turns into hate that is complete detestment.

The examples about parental love are many. How children grow up, leave the nest and forget the parents. The parents often say that they love their children but children do not love them back. In some cases both parties do not want to see each other’s faces.
Romance is easiest example. How romance renders all logic and reasoning an illusion. How the love turns into boredom to hate. In some cases romance turns into marriage before turning into boredom and fate.

Love of chattels or possessions:

Love of chattels is far more predictable. A new model of car or phone remains in the love land till these are replaced by a newer model or worse till the apparatus remains in working condition. The love takes no time to end up in trash bin.
Hobbies are another love comedy and rather longer lasting. A new hobby has to face the competition with other habits and life style. A late riser can not have his love for golf and photography for long. A copy paste blogging does not last forever and with same passion. Habit to retire to bed early will keep partying at bay. But I must confess, hobby can be a life time affair like marriage but not always.

So what is common in all these love affairs?


Yes the attention is the common feature. So long somebody or something remains in our attention, the love affair continues. Once attention is diverted to anything else, the love vanishes rather diverts with attention. The attention is love.
If love can be reignited, rekindled, re-flamed etc. because the attention is the  love. Now a little about hate, anger and violence. When two persons are romantically involved, how difficult it is to grab their attention. How they or any of them react to distraction? It is rudeness, anger and some time violence. ‘Do not disturb.’ The attention which bestows love is fractured because it is unduly diverted to one focus and accordingly creates a conflict which produces anger, hate and violence. The same analogy can be applied to other examples of love.
Therefore such fractured love, which has explosive by-product, has to be of short duration. It can not normally exist due to contradiction in which it exists.

The last question is Is there complete love?

There can be no answer for if what is stated above is understood then it is only matter of time when one may experience the love which is not divided or fractured.

Complete love shall not be far behind. Not too far but who will be there to notice it? Not somebody who is already in love. A love of his/her own definition.

© Sandeep Bhalla

Similar reading:

Relativity in relationships.

Pain, Pain, Pain and relationships.

Why relationships fail?

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